and to think I still thought that the 20th seems quite far away.. thinking that I still have time to study..
My goodness, what TERRIBLE thoughts I have..
Time is really a horrifying thing on Earth!
Yea, finally a post written in English.. seems such a long time..
Well, going out to roam awhile had done some good to me.. though perhaps a walk around east coast would have done better, but well, weather isnt very good these days.. At least no more gloomy thoughts haunting me when I'm alone now..
Fresh air and a walk around does work its wonders..
and to think despite the shortage of time, here I'm wasting yet another 10 mins of my time typing this post..
So let this post be a reminder to me:
Sheryl, you'll have ABSOLUTELY NO MORE TIME to WASTE surfing the web!!!
I'm so going to start isolating myself from this week onwards.. cut off all access to the major distracting monster: LAPTOP with INTERNET ACESSS!!
and let's hope the Japanese oral interview test would go well on Wednesday.. *pray hard*
勉強します (study)
大変です (tough, awful)
2 Japanese words I like.. Reason: From the Chinese characters and it's meaning in Chinese, isnt it 贴切 to describe the English meaning?? hahax. okay.. bad example given..
Gotta go back to study Jap and think of ways to crap my way through during the oral test..
飘走~~~~
或许因为事情大致上平息了吧 心情豁然开朗
之前确实过度钻牛角尖了
这也让我一瞬间领悟了许多人生道理
时间确实不等人
现实有时好残酷
总觉得人生还有好长一段路的我们 何曾想过可能就那么一天 生命会那么突如其来地被宣告可能被面临结束
真心希望奇迹的出现
拜托不要有事
希望一切能安好
不想再看到那愁眉不展 担忧的脸
也不想再看见那紧张 焦虑的气氛
期待那真正雨过天晴的彩虹
其实本来是想说
心情平复了 没有在一个人的时候钻牛角尖了
但后来好像越写 自己又开始钻牛角尖了
其实我写了蛮多的
但结果决定都删掉了 还是别写出来的好
最后我希望自己能找到对梦想和决定的坚持与决心
我的心严重的动摇了
越来越安静 退缩回自己的保护壳中
因为面对别人的不屑所产生的挫败感因而失去了勇气
沉默地封闭 表面上是为了保护自己的一种辩解 但其实心里非常明白只不过是自己懦弱的掩饰
挫败感一点一点的占据所产生的反向思考持续了好长一段时间
可笑的是 自己明知道该努力了 但潜意识里还是放任自己继续的得过且过
正因为这样
I did tons of last minute work and allowed myself to hand-in essay which I myself am unsure of..
I handed in a crappy essay for my test ytd..
I'm not in the least worried when after one whole hour of history tutorial, I still dun get what is McWorld and Jihad and the link with democracy. When everyone in the tutorial understood and spoke so well of the issue.. and my friend very encouragingly commented to me that who didnt study on globalization in JC. okay, so much for the insensitivity for poly students. (of course if I will to quote, I can quote many more instances, but I will just stop.. I must admit at some instances I got rather pissed off at insensitive comments like the above, but I've got to accept..)
无法形容的无力感..
Now I only hope I can survive through the remaining weeks to come.. esp survive through the one week consecutive days of examinations.. till then before I'm freed..
To end on a random note...
超爱这个乐团 東城衛
他们那坚持音乐梦想的决心与毅力超强的
十分欣赏
他们的音乐超好听的 hahax
To end off with Mvs of my 2 current fav songs.. Growing dependence on music.. hahax..
林宥嘉是超棒的歌手.. 超悲伤的歌.. 超级好听..
** Super weird and disorganised entry.. Tempted to delete it off, but shall still post for the fact that I've spent one hour of my time writting it in the first place.. hahax..
灰蒙蒙的天.. 寒冷的空气.. 冷冷的心..
沉重.. 一丝丝的感伤..
好累, 是真的彻底累(泪)了..
发觉了.. 自己非常清楚..
慢慢地一点一点开始封闭了..
可以说是自我保护的一种吗?
或许是种逃避的行为吧..
或许是我懦弱吧..
不想面对那种挫败的感觉..
最令我难受的不是那种没有非常优越成绩的感觉..
我已经开始习惯自己的退步了..
开始接受那个不再非要拿到好成绩, 而是满足于能够及格的我..
这是得过且过的一种表现吗?
何时我也会变成这样?
从前对于这种表现一直不能谅解的我, 也会变得如此得过且过..
原来我还是在某层面上被彻底的打败了..
那种写着文章, 不知道自己到底写对了吗?
那一次又一次的经历.. 那种不安与挫败感非常的可怕..
可怕到.. 就算到最后成绩还算不错, 但那挫败感还是潜在心里.. 挥之不去..
好希望自己也有那种不顾一切追求梦想的勇气..
但我这么轻易就动摇了..
好想找到那种坚持下去的信念喔..
我知道我多少令身边最亲的人担心了吧..
忽然好怕我这决定造成了负担..
忽然好怕那些话是对的..
自己一味地愤怒埋怨于那些指指点点.. 但忽然仔细想想是不是在那不中听的指指点点里, 有着它一定的道理.. 只是自己真的没有用心地考虑过..
自己是不是真地太自我地做了这决定?
而选择支持我, 默默承受.. 是对我的疼爱..
沉重..
自己都会感到一丝丝地难过..
可想而知那难过会是好几倍吧..
现实与感情对立时, 那种心有余而力不足的无奈很难受吧..
现实好残酷.. 好无情..
生命真的有着好多变数..
没有人知道未来会发生什么事..
没有人知道自己的生命何时会画下句点..
生命真好脆弱..
*我真心希望奇迹的出现*
最近每个人都很烦吧..
人际关系好复杂..
一个消息所引发的事好多..
好奇的是为什么不能只单纯地关心及支持呢?
这些不是现在最需要的吗?
或许这就是所谓的"小孩不懂的事"吧?
只希望 ♥ 不会太难过..
我也该停下自己的钻牛角尖了..
*希望一切安好*
...
我从来不会这样的... 真的...
...
快乐不起来
我真的累（淚）了
挥之不去
感伤感慨
好想大哭一场
压抑着
因为不想让身边的人担心
我已经够让他们操心了吧
好了就这样
狂 Blast Rock 音乐... 快把我 ROCK 走吧!!! 耳朵都快震破了
疯了... 累（淚）了...
走了...
不知为什么想用华文写blog.. hahax
可能是读了太多文的关系吧, 所以突发奇想, 一时兴起吧.. 顺便想玩一玩lappy 的 touchscreen writing function.. hahax..
何况,我发现似乎时间久了, 用华文写东西的机会就越来越少了.. 最后一次真正用华文写文大概也是三四年前 O Lvls 时的高级华文作文吧.. 过后就似乎只用英文写东西了.. 英文英语似乎得越来越常运用了, 现在似乎占据了大部份的生活.. 大学生活第一次让我感到似乎一个我很熟悉的语言开始远离了我.. 让我感到既不自在, 感到好累啊..
我感到身心都好累啊..
是不一样的吧..
记得去年 poly year 3 时, 一度也感到身心疲累, 不知道自己为何要为了课业逼着自己疲累地做一些吃力不讨好,自己又不怎么喜欢的事.. 但庆幸的是那些事似乎都能一一地做完,我还有一些时间出去逃避一下..
现在呢,虽说所学的几乎都是我蛮感兴趣的事,但是那堆积不完的事似乎永远没完没了,压得我喘不过气来.. 每天似乎有做不完的事一样..
每天不是去学校上课,就是回到家温书.. 就连周日也很少出门了,都爱窝在家里..
似乎得一直思考着问题一样.. 难道我就不能单纯地想像读故事书一样地学习事情吗? 难道就一定要去思考每一件事所包含的意义吗? 当似乎每个人正积极地谈论他们对事情的想法时,选择保持沉默似乎是最明智的选择, 因为自己很多时候并没有很有深度的看法.. 但是选择保持沉默时又会为自己感到沮丧,难过于自已的渺小..
人也渐渐地变得越独来独往.. 朋友的定义越来越模糊.. 所以也特别地感激有好友在旁..
不想改变自己去迎合环境,所以常显得格格不入.. 却又为此感到沮丧.. 好矛盾.. 或许麻木了,一切就会好过些吧.. 致少,现在的我还不想改变自己, 去做一个我认为很不自我的事..
似乎也没什么时间出去逃离一下.. 压力一点一点地累积着..奇怪的是,当压力累积到最极限时,我既然越不把需要完成的事当一回事,越是把事情推得远远的.. 逆向思考,自我逃离.. 不过我也深深觉得这行为超不好的!! 会检讨的! hahax
大学生活确实让我感到好累啊.. 胃病也似乎越来越严重了,生活好不健康..
不过既然这是自已的选择,就得撑下去咯.. 跳下去了,就没有退路了.. 况且,我有我的固执,有我想证明的事.. 就像老妹说的,为了那一口气,我也得撑下去,只为了证明自己是对的.. 这是我的固执..
虽说这6星期以来确实很累.. 上星期累得都快垮了, 似乎都没什么睡到, 每天不是睡1或2小时,就是没睡.. 终于顺利地把 2 essay, 1 report & test 给解决啦..
开心的时刻到来了,这星期放假了!! 虽然这星期还是得读书, 不过还是乘上周末出去逃离课业—下.. hahax..
算是开学以来最开心的周末了..
上周五超开心,赶完 soci essay submission 后.. 与 poly frens 在 bugis 旺角餐厅聚餐.. 非常愉快的聚餐.. 依然有说有笑的.. 听着他们工作上的趣事,看着一些朋友的改变.. 或许我和他们的生活有些脱节了, 但还是很开心能聚在一起谈谈彼此的近况,了解彼此生活上的改变.. 真希望如所说的每月聚餐一次,期待下次聚餐 =)
上周日,终于与dear外出啦!! hahax.. 到 Orchard 去.. 非常奢侈的一天.. 不过我都豁出去了, 反正接下来也忙得没时间出门,更不用说花钱了.. 于是....
就到 Orchard Central, 我们最爱的 The Fruit Tart Shop, Fruit Paradise 大吃一"斤" (很冷地用了终三里的白痴成语-.-")...
—口气叫了3个 tart.. hahax.. Caramel Banana Tart 超好吃!!!! 超爱那 cafe 的气氛超好, tart 又好吃! hahax
然后就到 Cine 看电影去了.. 终于看了G Force..
非常可爱的一部电影..
然后就又回到 Orchard Central 的 Quiznos 吃晚餐, 回家咯..
记录完啦。
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其实, 刚开始写这篇文时,有点莫名的感伤..
或许是读太多文的影响吧.. 文笔都超有深度的,写法引人入思,感受到了作者的心境..
所以突然,还蛮想写篇有深度的文的,看看自己的文笔能写出怎样的文.. hahax.. 不过那还是篇以后有空时再慢慢写咯..
不过还是有所启发/感触..
梦想.. 感受到了,坚持是一种很强的信念.. 梦想再艰难都不应该放弃,应该坚持努力的达成..
爱情观.. 作者为了所爱的人那份执着与痴心深深感动了我..
友谊.. 所拥有的深厚友谊让人羡慕..
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结果却写了那么长, 写到这里睡意也来了,是时候睡啦! 接下来应该会很忙, 所以应该很久不会blog了.. Take care peeps!!~~
最后还是想 embed 这两首歌的MV.. 虽然已经放上blog蛮多次了.. 百听不厌的两首歌.. 每天几次听了整整一个多月,都还是超爱听的.. 而且发现 Rock Song 很酷而且又能够赶走睡意.. hahax.. 相信这两首歌应该会陪着我接下来的几个月吧..
I feel so overload with information and overwhelmed by all the information, readings and catching up I need to do... Learning Jap was much tougher than I had thought..
I cant believe I actually dozed off during Nation Building lecture.. and it's only the 2nd week of lecture.. Oh God, I wonder how I'm going to survive through the rest of the sem..
Humanities seems to be such an unfamiliar subject to me now that I seriously wondered how I've survived through upper secondary studying double humanities.. hahax.. Need some adjustments to adapt to the changes from practical business studies to social sciences and humanities.. It seems to take a much longer time than wat I've thought..
Finally, get to finalised my timetable after all the hassle of tutorial balloting.. Cheers for managing to secure a 4-day week timetable and getting the same tutorial class slot with my fren =) On the bad side, I seriously hope I can survive through the tues one full day of history-related classes and wed's 8am class..
And I certainly hope I'll get to know more frens when tutorial starts.. On one hand, I'm glad that I've managed to make new frens, so I aint so alone in sch.. But on the other hand, surprisingly, I dun actually mind going for classes or being in sch alone.. Seems to be such a drastic change from poly days.. hahax.. Is it the sch env/culture or issit me??
Oh well, suddenly weekends seems to be used for catching up on work and Jap studies.. Seems like most of my weekend activities with Mr Wayne would be used to revise and study Jap.. hahax..My pts in the post seems so randomly written.. But well, I'm lazy to organized the pts properly.. Time for my brain cells to rest.. Time for sleep!! hahax.. Oyasumi Nasai~~~
I dun wan to imagine nxt week having another set of Katakana chart..
and luckily I haf Mr Wayne as my Jap tutor..
oh well, but still memorising these words are mass killing my brain cells now..
Ah~~~~~~
** On the other note, I think I'll be blogging more and more short and random posts in future unless there's a fun event or sth..
I'm still wondering if I shld go shopping at Bugis tml, or shld I forgo it for Jap studies.. zzz..